Thursday, March 31, 2011

Rihanna's future leaked sex tape will be awesome...

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It turns out Rihanna is into sadomasochism. According to her interview in the upcoming Rolling Stone issue (via Daily Mail):

“I love to be tied up and spanked. Using whips and chains is too planned… you have to stop and look for the whip. I prefer them to use their hands.
I like to take the reins in my life, but I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom. In there I can be a little lady and have a male who has responsibility for the situation. That’s sexy.”
She also insists that her amazing ass is single and not Colin Farrell's playground:
“I’m not dating,” she says. “I’m not sexing, I’m not even sexting. It’s on complete nil.” She says she hasn’t been with anyone since breaking up with Dodgers slugger Matt Kemp, which went down before the public found out in December, so it’s been at least four months since she got any action. “You think you’re disappointed?” she says. “Try being in this body.”
Awh...I must say I'm in fact a bit disappointed, Rihanna. I was already imagining these two breaking all the furniture in the hotel bedroom... tsc,tsc

Miley Cyrus is an Artist now

By now everyone knows Rebecca Black's Friday song. But her sudden success on YouTube seems to bother Miley Cyrus. According to The Daily Telegraph Cyrus slammed the overnight success of YouTube phenomenons such as Rebecca Black.

"It should be harder to be an artist. You shouldn't just be able to put a song on YouTube and go out on tour," the daughter of country star Billy Ray Cyrus said.
This comes from someone that became famous for playing Hannah Montana, a teenager that becomes a famous pop singer  the moment she puts on a blonde wig... That was enough to get Miley out on a tour. And the fact that she's Billy Ray Cyrus daughter had no influence, I'm sure... Nice.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Kardashian days are bigger than yours

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If you think you're a hard worker and dare question what the hell the Kardashian sisters do, think again! You could work 24 hours a day (not sleep like Samara) and yet you wouldn't match the Kardashians when it comes to hours of hard work. Because, according to Kris Jenner on Redbook's May issue, her daughters work 25 hours a day. TWENTY FIVE! She also supports child labor too 'cause her kids work since they were 13 years old. We all can see she's already pushed Kylie to hard work so little Mason better start appreciating adolescence right now...

"It’s annoying when I hear, “What do your girls do?” Well, first of all, all of my daughters have jobs. They are fashion stylists and designers; they own a chain of stores. They had the stores before they had the show. And my kids worked from the time they were 13 years old. So to me, that’s a huge misconception — that the girls don’t work. They work 25 hours a day. And that they don’t have any talent? They might not be singers or dancers, but they certainly know how to produce a television show. Whether you want to call it talent or not, they have multiple shows on the air. [I want to say,] How many shows do you have?"
 Hell, yeah! I have no show! Buaaaaaaa! Why is that? Hum... And it's hard enough to keep up with these multiple shows that seem to reproduce faster than rabbits: Khloe and Kourtney take Miami, Kim and Kourtney take New York, Kim and Kris Humphries take a walk; Kourtney and Scott take a break; Kylie and Kendal take Kentuchy Fried Chicken.... Talk about Keeping up with the Kardashians!...

Monday, March 28, 2011

Hey Y'All! Britney Spears gets her own day in San Francisco

Wait! It's not today! Gear up your enthusiasm for tomorrow, specially if you are in San Francisco because there, March 29th has been proclaimed Britney Spears Day! Was this because she gave a three songs free performance there to promote her new album Femme Fatale? Jeezzz! Even Britney stood with the Proclamation in hands with that super white smile thinking "-WTF Y'all?" And how do we get to commemorate such day? Are we suppose to shave our heads and hit a random car with some umbrella? Have a nervous breakdown? Elope with our first ever high school cruch and divorce a couple of hours later?  Snort coke? 
Well, I'll just go to Pier 39 and say hello to KFed...

Armie Hammer: My sweet Prince, you are the one!

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Ok, this is the tittle of a Placebo song that I would torture myself with back when I believed in fairytales and was not a senseless b**ch. But this is good news and...good casting. Apparently Armie was chosen to play Prince Charming in the Snow White movie. I must say I was impressed with Armie Hammer in The Social Network. Every time the twins appeared, everyone in the scene vanished for me. Specially the guy with the slippers...
I hope they don't turn this in some sort of Gothic Dark movie with some boring pale actress playing Snow White. Maybe with the Placebo song in the trailer...Hugh...Let's go all the way and put Kristen Stewart role her eyes for 120 minutes as Snow White. Wait, isn't this the film where she will play Snow White? I'm not sure because, apparently, this Snow White theme is so vast, they are going to do not one but three movies about it. Well, I'm sure the Porn Industry made a lot more than three movies with this theme.... (bitchy me! Lol) . But don't worry, Twihards, I'm sure Kstew will be in one of them... Probably with the Placebo Song playing while she runs through the woods.

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Happy Birthday Lady Gaga!

Uau! And she's only 25 years old!...She certainly wasn't Born this way, but her unique style makes her one of a kind with a growing legion of little monsters worshiping her. She will, with no shadow of doubt be a music Icon of this era for her eccentricity,shocking style and geniality. Wonder how the next 25 will be?...
Happy Birthday Gaga!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Joe Manganiello will be returning in True Blood season 4

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Joe Manganiello, plays werewolf protector Alcide Herveaux, the very first in Bon Temps, in the hit TV series, True Blood. And apparently he is doing such a good job that his role has been extended to Season 4. Manganiello hangs around shirtless most of the time, so I'm pretty sure this was a (wise) decision probably made by a woman. And let me tell you, if True Blood vampires make the ones from Twilight feel like a bunch of pussies, these werewolves make the pack from Forks run like little puppies. And let's face it. If there were vampires out there it would be more reasonable to think they were banging every mortal they could get and partying in clubs rather than repeatedly adjusting to some high school in the middle of nowhere and live over and over again the same sh**ty teenage problems. And they wouldn't be sneaking into their girlfriends' bedroom just to see them sleep. They would crawl out of the dirt, grab their leg, and have really rough sex. (who remembers this scene between Sookie and Bill? Not me...) As for Joe Manganiello, I think he auditioned for this role shirtless, the audition was conducted by several women and he was asked to slowly repeat his name....  
- Mannnngggganiellllllllllooo.
-Come again?
-Ok. You've got the role.

Meet the "Volturi" Olsen Twins

Jeeeezzzzz. When did this happen? Did I jump into some time machine and the Olsen Twins are already 63 years old and not 23? The one from the right is really freaking me out...I wonder who's the dominant twin here? Hum...I cannot say from their expressions...

Taylor Momsen actually wore clothes

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OMG! There's only one plausible explanation for this. This is from March 22 nd, Paris. So she must have lost her luggage and there was not one piece of lingerie to wear. She's wearing a skirt but it's a white see through. So, it's not like she's making any commitments to wear clothes from now on...

Rachel Zoe is LITERALLY a Mommy

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Rachel Zoe finally managed to have time to actually give birth on her tight agenda. Although there's no confirmation about the exact date and time such happened it seems she and husband Rodger are absolutely bananas over the newborn. To emphasize such happiness they released a statement:
“Mom and Dad ‘LITERALLY’ could not be happier or more in love with their son!”
Ok. What exactly does LITERALLY mean here? Like in the literal sense of the word happy? And what does happy mean to Rachel Zoe? Could it be the baby came out dressed in Zoe's adored Chanel clothes already? 
They named their son Skyler Morrison. Ok... that a short one for Skywalker? It's possible. She does dress the Stars and sometimes it's a complete War...of Fug...
One thing is for sure. Now that Rachel Zoe embraces motherhood she will go LITERALLY bananas...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Chris Brown shows us what he learned about anger management...

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Chris Brown was at "Good Morning America" to promote his latest album (FAME), so he thought... Instead he was triggered by on-air questions about the Rihanna incident. Chris Brown tried to change subject but interviewer Robin Roberts just wouldn't let go. Good for Roberts she was live, 'cause otherwise she would have ended with a split lip... So, once off the air lets see how Chris Brown handled the situation...

"We’re told after the interview, Brown freaked out, storming into his dressing room and screaming so loud, the people in hair and makeup became alarmed and called security.
We’re told Brown was out of control, and one source present tells us he smashed a window in his dressing room, and the glass shattered and some shards fell onto 43rd and Broadway.  ABC securitytells TMZ … the window was shattered with a chair.
We’re told by the time security rushed the area, Brown had ripped off his shirt and left the building, blowing off another performance he was supposed to do for the ABC website.
And sources say … on his way out of the building, Brown confronted a segment producer, got in his face and stared him down.   People from the show got in between Chris and the producer to diffuse the situation." (TMZ)
 TMZ also remembered us that "Brown is on probation for the felony beating and he’s required to obey all laws." So this doesn't look to good for him. Here's a photo of the alleged smashed window and Chris Brown is actually shirtless with a pretty pissed off face. So maybe this is true, we all can see how his anger management course really worked and the album title F.A.M.E. probably stands for 
Fuck Anger Management Exercises !
So I guess he did promote it pretty well!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Why Kim Kardashian should be Wonder Woman

By now almost everyone knows that NBC's Wonder Woman will be played by Adrianne Palicky. I don't know if Charlie Sheen had any vote on this costume, because all this spandex and vinyl, boobs exploding under that corset and those shiny red lips turned Adrianne Palicky in one hell of a porn star. Even Palicki doesn't look very convinced...
So, I did some research and came up with the perfect Wonder Woman. Someone that would stop crime with her ass, crushing her enemies just by sitting on them. That would be awesome. And if that doesn't work (witch I doubt) she could always make them watch a Keeping Up with the Kardashians Marathon that, for sure, would make their brains explode....

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Friday, March 18, 2011

Robert Pattinson is Crocodile Dundee for Vanity Fair

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Robert Pattinson makes the cover of Vanity Fair's April issue and I must say I'm not impressed with this...How come Robert Pattinson's sexy rebel hair is trapped under this hideous hat? Even the alligator seems bored here...Is this because of Water for Elephants upcoming movie? Someone thought: "Lets put some wild animal here!". And then someone came with a cross between Crocodile Dundee and Pete Doherty, just because he's British too...But then again this photo is from Annie Leibovitz so I was expecting that crossing Robert Pattinson with Circus would be an orgasmic explosion of fantasy and delirium with some Cirque du Soleil at some point. (Ok, my mind just pictured all this. Give me a minute...) Apparently no. The interviewer (Nancy Jo Sales), however, succumbed easily to Robert Pattinson's charm. 
"A few months later in Baton Rouge, Pattinson says he doesn’t feel like going out, as there’s no telling when a simple trip to a restaurant might ignite another riot. “And I’ll just be like this,” he says, putting his head down on the table, hiding in the crook of his arm. He picks his head up again and—oh, wow. He can’t escape his looks any more than he can escape the attention of his fans. His face has a kind of gorgeousness one sees in the faces of children, with its perfect pale skin, red lips, large eyes. It’s hard to say it any other way: he’s beautiful.
But such superlatives are probably just the kind of thing that would make him cringe and sweat even more profusely than he’s doing now, through his light-blue cotton button-down. "
Oh, uau...Here comes the Twihard...Rob's shirt is already off in my mind. Continue,please. 
The interview took place while filming the last two parts of Twilight saga in a cozy rental house in a quiet residential section of Baton Rouge, shared by Robert and Kristen Stewart's assistants. I said Assistants people! And they were kind enough to make it all pretty pleasant for the interviewer Rob. So "they lit a crackling fire and scented candles to keep Pattinson comfortable while he does his interview."
Let's see how all this ambiance worked out:
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Pattinson says, returning to the table. Ever since he came back to the Twilight set, he says, he doesn’t feel—well, quite himself. “My brain doesn’t work anymore. I haven’t any memory. I can’t write. All I can do is sign my name. I tried to write the other day—it looked like I was writing in Braille.” I ask him to write something on my notepad; he does, and it’s illegible. “See?” he says. “It looks like spiders have written it.”
Robert, if your brain doesn't work anymore at the point of affecting your capability of writing it's simply because you are spending to much time trying to figure out Kristen Stewart (boy, am I gonna be HATED for this one). And I must break the news for you : spiders don't write. But I love how this interviewer tricked him to write something on her notebook and then maybe fantasize about what the hell those spiders wrote. Or sell it on eBay. Anyway, I think this interview was awesome and sincerely hope all of this ended with these two shagging on the carpet at the sound of crackling fire.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Ke$ha might just be a vampire after all...

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Man...I'm not messing with Ke$ha anymore. Turns out she pulled some Alice Cooper sh*t during her performance in Australia: squeezed and drank blood from a heart... I must say I'm indecisive wether she's more attractive here or here...
It's a shame we didn't get to see this facet from her sooner. Twilight saga could have had a stunning contribution here. A Vampire that would leave you with no drop of blood running through your veins just by wearing a bikini. Wait. Vampires don't go to the beach, do they? 

Ke$ha might just be a Kardashian too...

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I bet her ass she is, don't you think? I must say I'm surprised. Never in my wildest dreams would I suspect that Ke$ha in a bikini would be just as hot as a 90 year old woman. The bikini choice with those huge panties isn't helping either. Could she be the lost Kardashian that wasn't butt blessed? This is Australia but I think that even the sharks passed the bite here...

Let's see men reaction at this blinding beauty...

Old man: "I drag my ass to the beach to see this? Geezzz"

Uau! Time machine...back in the 80's. This dude might be interested.

No,Ke$ha. No erection here. This 80's windsurf dude with rainbow shorts isn't impressed...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Gilbert Gottfried is an asshole

Gilbert Gottfried managed to go through two decades, 80's and 90's, without being funny and for some strange reason thinks he's funny now...making "jokes" about Japan tsunami via twitter. I have no words to qualify how much you suck now and then...These are only a few you can despise...

Elizabeth Hurley made me laugh...

Ok, this is Elizabeth Hurley at KIDS 40th anniversary event pulling a Jersey Shore animal print look for it. The photographers thought this was such a good choice that convinced her to pose in front of this poster. We can only guess the rest...
" A little more to your right Liz. That's perfect luv! Goregeous!"

Kim Kardashian wears a pillow on her ass...for sure

...because this butt is unreal... And I must say she must be the number one source of motivation for all those guys working their asses off on the treadmill on her gym. And of course, a Chanel bag is absolutely perfect for that workout outfit!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Kristie Alley is the best advertisement for her weight loss system

I'm sure there's a logic here: when you're trying to sell a product about weight loss, image is important. Apparently this does not apply to Kristie Alley's new weight loss system she presented last night. Is this a joke?
Does she really think it's going to work? Apparently yes:
'I've lost 60 pounds, and I have 30 or 40 more to go. And I think with this strenuous, rigorous dance schedule, I think it's going to work.', she told US weekly
 You know what really works though? To be photographed with some fat dude wearing a red t-shirt.

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Jessica Biel and Timberlake split

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Uau...we never saw this one coming. Did we? 
Apparently Jessica Biel took the wake up call at a surprise party she prepared to Justin's 30th birthday, where he reacted embarrassed to her speech about how they met.
I'm sorry, but as far as I can remember, Justin Timberlake was playing BFF with Mila Kunis at SAG Awards on his birthday. I would give him a surprise party my a** ,after that one! Yet they covered their problems pretty well. This pic is from the Vanity Fair's Oscar after-party. So it's pretty recent. Although Justin Timberlake seems like a deer caught in the headlights, they seem close. When I read the joint statement about the split, It was all clear to me...
Although I'm pretty sure they were over at least by the Oscars Ceremony, they have now released a statement about their split:
“Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake’s relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other.”

How I love these amicable splits! No yelling names, no throwing things at each other...What is the highest level of love for these two? They become friends with benefits? Do they still get to..., you know,... every now and then?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Things are heating up between Rihanna and "rude boy" Farrell

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Proving that where there's smoke there's fire, it seems Rihanna and Colin Farrell are really steaming, apparently. So I guess that the Ryan Phillippe rumor is losing strength. Acording to the mirror,
Colin has told pals his relationship with Rihanna is moving so fast he is desperate to introduce her Henry and James - who suffers from the genetic disorder Angelman Syndrome.
One source said: "He's planning on spending a lot of time with Rihanna over the summer in LA so he wants his sons to be used to her and have a good relationship.
"Colin wants to break them in gently and Rihanna is dying to meet them. She thinks it's so sweet Colin is a great daddy."
Uau. Look out for another sex tape any time soon... with Side Show Bob in it.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Troll Tequila doesn't stand a chance...not winning!

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It comes to no surprise some people do anything to keep the spotlight going for a little while. Tila Tequila seems to not agree with the casting Charlie Sheen made to find his porn goddesses and actually thinks she can do better. She told Hollywood life 
“He won’t need anyone else around. There’d only be one goddess. I could show Chucky a good time — but also help him out.”
 Wait, is Tila totally fu**ed up and melted down brain Tequila offering help, as psychological? Not involving sucking pickles help?

“I think what he doesn’t realize is that people aren’t laughing with him — they are laughing at him,” Tila says . “So while he’s a trending topic, it really is for all the wrong reasons. I wish I would have known this while I was going through my public meltdown. Things would have been different. I wish Charlie knew that this publicity he’s feeding off of is all wrong.”

Tila, Charlie Sheen will only admit you if you drop the Tila and add Sunrise at the end... In fact, I think Charlie Sheen would pick up your troll ass, put you inside a joint and smoke you until you turn into what you are to the world: a vanishing cloud of smoke that tastes like crap but gives you 5 minutes of pleasure.

OMG, I'm becoming Charlie Sheen...

Charlie Sheen thinks he's Sandokan

After being officially fired by Warner Bros, Charlie Sheen showed some signs of coming back to reality and went on top of a building, waving a black sabre in his hand, and drank a bottle labeled Tiger blood. So, I guess he continues his metamorphosis to become the 21st century Sandokan, the Tiger of Malaysia.
Adding to all this madness we have Sheen's corner: the first episodes are called "Torpedos of truth", the fourth one is called "how to build a perfect torpedo". Huge difference in terms of visual, this last one. Probably someone, who's not a troll, told him that saying 
“I’m gonna write my sermons, I’m gonna deliver them like truth torpedoes, and people are gonna f **king take it or leave it, we know they’re gonna take it cause they can’t process it, so they must condemn it, and it they can’t condemn it, they’ll like f **king turn me into a God and worship it, and realize I’m behind them, cutting their throats, and their children’s …”
(the last word was obviously censored but although we are trolls, we get it...)

is not that smart if you're going to court to fight for your children's custody.

This fourth episode shows also some evolution as it appears Charlie's reading from a card. I find the decadent look more appealing. Although I must say keeping up with Charlie's meltdown is exhausting.
Eventually he's gonna find out he's not winning, see himself in the mirror and find out he's also a troll...

"There goes the torpedo up my nose..."

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